Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
