People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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