What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
