Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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