I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
