community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
