a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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