people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
