i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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