Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
