Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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