Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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