I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
