I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
