he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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