I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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