At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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