see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
