it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
