Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
