I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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