thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
