You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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