i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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