I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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