I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
