Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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