I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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