Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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