Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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