i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
