i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
