I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
