im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
