It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
