My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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