oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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