didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
