I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
