I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
