I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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