vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I supernannyed him into submission
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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