Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
