The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
