She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
