i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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