??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
