Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
