I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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