Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
