I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
