I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
