What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
