i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
