I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
