Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
