Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
