Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
